Random acts of kindness

There is an expression attributed to a baseball coach from the 1930's, 'nice guys finish last'. I have always had a problem with this saying, and I don't think I am alone.

In 1995 Stephan Desrochers (Prof.of Social Psychology) wrote an article exploring the claim that women say they want a 'nice' guy but ultimately are attracted to 'bad boys'. I can see his point, I can think of a few examples in my own dating history that may add weight to his theory. But that was my own short-sightedness and these trysts were only ever short term and occurred when I was younger and less perceptive. In the end I got it right and married a 'nice' guy.

So my curiosity was piqued when a mate and regular bloke, Toby Culshaw, currently living in the UK, posted this on facebook

"Has decided to try do 1 unexpected act of kindness everyday... Could be buying someone behind me in the queue coffee, could be anything... If everyone did 1 thing every so often that would mean in england alone we'd have over 200,000 nice things every day of the year that we weren't expecting..."

He agreed to have a chat.

thesoundingline: What prompted you to try 'a week of doing nice things for others'? Have you found God, Allah, budha or kaballah? Or is it being a dad that has prompted a karmic rethink?
Toby: Well it was kinda out the blue. I popped into the supermarket as I was early to give a lift to one of the guys in my team to work. When I was in the queue about to pay I got thinking that there are 60 million people in England and that if everyone did one spontaneous act of kindness a year then on average there would be 150,000 good deeds done everyday!! And that's just in the UK!!
As soon as I thought this there were two children in the queue in front of me that couldn't afford their ingredients for their home economics class that day, so I decided to buy it and start doing random acts of kindness. This could be buying someone's shopping, buying a stranger in the coffee shop their coffee etc through to paying someone an unexpected compliment. Simple things that can help brighten up someone's day (and completely selfishly brighten up mine no end!!).

*Toby (eye on the ball) with the lads playing his beloved game

thesoundingline: Can we come back to 'in the queue' moment....what started that train of thought? Giving your mate a lift?
Toby: Sadly it's just the kind of weird thing I think when I'm bored. I've always liked the idea of random acts of kindness though. Kind of keeps people on their toes in a good way.

thesoundindline: What reaction have you had from the recipients of your kindness?
Toby: To be honest nothing unsurprising apart from the checkout person at the supermarket trying to stop me buying the kids stuff saying I can't do that. Weirdly though as soon as my next door neighbour heard about my plan she lent me a DVD of a film about this type of thing (on a much bigger scale) done in the USA, it was a good film actually.




thesoundindline: So the impetus came from boredom! It is good for something then. Was the movie your neighbour gave you 'Pay it forward' or a documentary?
Toby: That's the one... A surprisingly good film.

thesoundindline: So you have intent (I originally had the word plans) to continue this for life?
Toby: Yeah pretty much. I'm realising it's actually harder than you would think to find good things to do (beyond charity work), but I'm just going to go with the flow and do things as I see them.

thesoundlineline: It is called 'random' acts of kindness I guess. Have you noticed your good karma racking up, in that you have been the recipient of any acts of kindness?
Toby: Not yet, but I guess it'll come round eventually. In all honesty I guess it's kind of a selfish thing at the same time as I get pleasure out of doing the deed so even if it never comes full circle I consider myself 'up' in the scheme of things.

thesoundinglne: I agree! Well you have completed an act of kindness answering my questions. Many many many thanks.


'Random acts of kindness' is experiencing a groundswell.

In fact there are countless websites dedicated to being kind. A simple google search will provide you with inspiration if, like Toby, you are looking for a few ideas.

It would be great if being 'nice' was taught in schools and recognised in workplaces.

Oh, and for the record a 'nice' person doesn't care where he finishes, he just cares about being a descent bloke.
Any ideas of random acts of kindness to share with your fellow nice readers- click on the envelope below.
*Photo courtesy of Toby Culshaw