Random acts of kindness

There is an expression attributed to a baseball coach from the 1930's, 'nice guys finish last'. I have always had a problem with this saying, and I don't think I am alone.

In 1995 Stephan Desrochers (Prof.of Social Psychology) wrote an article exploring the claim that women say they want a 'nice' guy but ultimately are attracted to 'bad boys'. I can see his point, I can think of a few examples in my own dating history that may add weight to his theory. But that was my own short-sightedness and these trysts were only ever short term and occurred when I was younger and less perceptive. In the end I got it right and married a 'nice' guy.

So my curiosity was piqued when a mate and regular bloke, Toby Culshaw, currently living in the UK, posted this on facebook

"Has decided to try do 1 unexpected act of kindness everyday... Could be buying someone behind me in the queue coffee, could be anything... If everyone did 1 thing every so often that would mean in england alone we'd have over 200,000 nice things every day of the year that we weren't expecting..."

He agreed to have a chat.

thesoundingline: What prompted you to try 'a week of doing nice things for others'? Have you found God, Allah, budha or kaballah? Or is it being a dad that has prompted a karmic rethink?
Toby: Well it was kinda out the blue. I popped into the supermarket as I was early to give a lift to one of the guys in my team to work. When I was in the queue about to pay I got thinking that there are 60 million people in England and that if everyone did one spontaneous act of kindness a year then on average there would be 150,000 good deeds done everyday!! And that's just in the UK!!
As soon as I thought this there were two children in the queue in front of me that couldn't afford their ingredients for their home economics class that day, so I decided to buy it and start doing random acts of kindness. This could be buying someone's shopping, buying a stranger in the coffee shop their coffee etc through to paying someone an unexpected compliment. Simple things that can help brighten up someone's day (and completely selfishly brighten up mine no end!!).

*Toby (eye on the ball) with the lads playing his beloved game

thesoundingline: Can we come back to 'in the queue' moment....what started that train of thought? Giving your mate a lift?
Toby: Sadly it's just the kind of weird thing I think when I'm bored. I've always liked the idea of random acts of kindness though. Kind of keeps people on their toes in a good way.

thesoundindline: What reaction have you had from the recipients of your kindness?
Toby: To be honest nothing unsurprising apart from the checkout person at the supermarket trying to stop me buying the kids stuff saying I can't do that. Weirdly though as soon as my next door neighbour heard about my plan she lent me a DVD of a film about this type of thing (on a much bigger scale) done in the USA, it was a good film actually.




thesoundindline: So the impetus came from boredom! It is good for something then. Was the movie your neighbour gave you 'Pay it forward' or a documentary?
Toby: That's the one... A surprisingly good film.

thesoundindline: So you have intent (I originally had the word plans) to continue this for life?
Toby: Yeah pretty much. I'm realising it's actually harder than you would think to find good things to do (beyond charity work), but I'm just going to go with the flow and do things as I see them.

thesoundlineline: It is called 'random' acts of kindness I guess. Have you noticed your good karma racking up, in that you have been the recipient of any acts of kindness?
Toby: Not yet, but I guess it'll come round eventually. In all honesty I guess it's kind of a selfish thing at the same time as I get pleasure out of doing the deed so even if it never comes full circle I consider myself 'up' in the scheme of things.

thesoundinglne: I agree! Well you have completed an act of kindness answering my questions. Many many many thanks.


'Random acts of kindness' is experiencing a groundswell.

In fact there are countless websites dedicated to being kind. A simple google search will provide you with inspiration if, like Toby, you are looking for a few ideas.

It would be great if being 'nice' was taught in schools and recognised in workplaces.

Oh, and for the record a 'nice' person doesn't care where he finishes, he just cares about being a descent bloke.
Any ideas of random acts of kindness to share with your fellow nice readers- click on the envelope below.
*Photo courtesy of Toby Culshaw

Belinda and Linda - Inspirational feats

You may recall my previous story entitled "Amazing Women", highlighting Belinda and Linda, and their respective goals. At the time they were immersed in training mode and looking forward to the challenge ahead.

I caught up with the two lovely ladies in question after the completion of their epic efforts of physical endurance in the name of charity. I am sure you will agree they really are inspirational. Maybe reading their stories may create impetus to commence your own charitable quest.


Belinda
Palliative Care Unit Royal Childrens Hospital - 200kms over 9 days
With partner Melissa raised $4,685.00

thesounding line: How did you come to choose this particular event?
Belinda:  I read about Liat Harrower – a local Mum who had lost her little boy to a rare illness when he was 7 years old (2 years ago), she had gone to her local rotary club to talk to them about an annual event that could raise money and awareness about families in similar situations and they had started this walk two years ago – the third walk was in March 2012 (the first I completed).
She had financially battled to provide her son Mitchell with a good quality of life whilst he was dying. I was shocked to find out about the limited funding available for parents like Liat who have children that are born with life threatening and life limiting diseases or illnesses. I chose to complete the walk for personal reasons – the first because I am very fortunate to have two very healthy, beautiful children and wanted to raise awareness and money within my community and network of family and friends and I also wished to give back to the community I live in. The second reason was to set myself a physical and emotional challenge to complete the 200km’s and I did!

thesoundingline: The positive health benefits of walking are widely understood. Given you commenced walking training many months before the event, what have you noticed about your overall wellbeing?
Belinda: I felt fantastic both physically and emotionally. Training with my partner Melissa allowed us to walk three – four times a week. On a Saturday or Sunday morning we would complete a 20-25 km walk and the other 2/3 times we would do around 10-15 km’s of an early morning or late evening. I would sleep better, be able to function better at work and at home and generally ate better because of the exercise done.

thesoundingline: What has this experience taught you?
Belinda: Lots of things – not taking people for granted who are special to me in my life – my husband, parents, sisters. Having more patience with my children, appreciating that I am so lucky to have them in my life so healthy and happy. Being respectful of others people’s situations – that I am lucky to have such a loving wonderful family and there are a lot of people who are not as fortunate as what I am. On the physical side of things – I can achieve things physically if I put my mind to it. There were some really difficult times during the walk where I was tired, sore and my joints and muscles wanted me to give it up, but it was my mental state that got me through. It was just as big a mental challenge as it was physical.

*Photo courtesy of Belinda Iatrou

Linda 
Oxfam Trailwalker - 100km in 48hrs
With three team members of 'Just Because' raised $5,450

thesoundingline: Many people avoid setting physical goals, such as trying a fun run or joining a sporting team. They decide before attempting such tasks they are not sporty or tough enough. What would you say to someone who feels a failure before they have really tried?
Linda: Recently my 5 year old son asked me if he could be a “Bob the builder” when he grows up. I told him that he could be anything he wanted to be and this is the same advice I would give anyone who was thinking about trying something new. So what if you fail, it’s about giving it your all and being able to look back and say that you had a go. I understand people who have hesitations in undertaking a sporting challenge or joining a team. My initial reaction to undertaking the Oxfam walk was “100km, I don’t think I can do that” but then I looked further into it. I read the suggested training schedule, went to an information session and then started to plan my training 6 months out from the event date. My advice is to prepare (mentally as well as physically) and train as much as you can.

thesoundingline: Did you experience any dark or euphoric moments during the 48 hour push for the finish line?
Linda: One of each in fact! At 1am, we had reached our team’s designated rest stop which we had planned to be time enough to have ice baths, massages, hot showers, clean clothes and food. At this point, one of the team members had exceptionally bad blisters and had to go to the podiatry clinic to be checked. She was in all sorts of pain but was determined to continue. The treatment she required was extreme and it took quite some time before we got back onto the track. It was 4am, freezing cold and in this time, I had suffered diarrhea, an upset tummy and just became really tired. The stretch of trail that we were on was the Warburton trail and it is just kilometer after kilometer of flat straight trail. I had already used my main motivation tool (referring to the list of all the friends and family who had donated to our team) and was lacking motivation. I had left the ear phones to my i pod in at home so music was not much of an option. My eye lids were virtually falling down and I was barely able to lift them. It was just on dawn and quite foggy and I was feeling at my lowest, starting to let the negative thoughts creep in. Right then, I saw a massive mob of kangaroos making their way across the top of a nearby hill and they took my mind completely off how I was feeling. It was a quintessential Aussie moment in the bush which made me smile. Shortly after that, we reached a check point that had coffee and an egg a bacon roll – I was feeling motivated again after that and only had 40km’s to go!
My moment of euphoria was right at the end when I saw my 2 boys come running out of the crowd towards me. This was the moment that I had visualised from the day I had decided to do the walk and it was better than I had hoped for. All the emotions I was feeling erupted into sobs of tears and my boys gave me the biggest hugs you could imagine. I had dropped to my knees to hold them and tell them that Mummy couldn’t believe she had finished and then I suddenly thought “how am I ever going to get up?!” As we all know, the body does amazing things when you need it to and not only did I get up but I carried my 3 year old across the finish line whilst holding hands with the 5 year old! I even saw my Husband with tears in his eyes. We were celebrating so many things – a challenge achieved, the support of a family for me to do it and of course, the fact that our team had just raised almost $5500 for people around the world living in poverty. And it only took 31 hours and 23 minutes!



thesoundingline: Do you have any plans for the next adventure?
Linda: I am still in the white board stage of deciding what the next adventure will be. However I did recently confront my fear of heights when my 3 year old asked me to take him on a flying fox which was fairly high up in the trees and went over a lake!
Until I decide what is next (physically) and there will be something, I have the adventure of my eldest child going to school next year and that is way more daunting than walking 100km I assure you!

*Photo courtesy of Linda Witton

thesoundingline thanks these amazing ladies for sharing their stories and their precious time! You are the emodiment of one of my favourites quotes...

"Above all be the heroine of your life, not the victim." Nora Ephron

Marilyn Cali- A unique way of seeing

I met Marilyn in 2006 while working in Recruitment. She had an other worldliness about her that piqued my curiosity. But that was just the tip of the iceberg.

thesoundingline: What are you current creative projects?
MC: In late December 2011, I joined Mary Mikhael at ‘Twinflame Enterprises’. I am also working on my first album in additional to singing with Latin Effect, The Midnight Soul Club and Valentino Flamenco Ensemble. I also do a radio gig which is one Friday per month, at 2pm on 88.3 Southern FM.

thesoundingline: Tell us more about Twinflame Enterprises?
MC: Our focus is on education to bring about abundance and health. This can be at a business level looking at organisational change or at an individual level through behaviour change using tools like Neuro-linguistic programming or spiritual healing. My role is a Transformational Behavioural Specialist. We also facilitate philanthropic work and projects are underway to assist communities in Singapore, Malaysia, China and India in 2012. We have further plans in 2013 for continued work in China and India. I am really excited about events we will be hosting in Sydney, the Gold Coast and Melbourne to spread the word.

thesoundingline: Where do your creative  ideas come from?
MC: Everywhere, in no particular moment or setting.

thesoundingline: Music and acting are a necessary part of your life. How did this come about?

MC: I wanted to sing when I was younger but I didn’t. I used to sing in my head, and then when I was 22 I started. I was terrified I would sound awful, not as beautiful as it sounded in my head. Again I knew I wanted to act at a young age, and I started around the same age as singing. To me they are linked, all part of the same experience.

thesoundingline: Who would you be itching to work with living or dead?

MC: Oh so many, Bocelli and Ella Fitzgerald, Sting, Pavarotti. Charlize Theron, she has clearly been through some really tough times and she can channel this into her work so well. Natalie Portman. Oh and Jeff Bridges I think he is very underrated as an actor and Bradley Cooper for obvious reasons.

At this point Marilyn is licking her lips salaciously and I try to bring her back from wherever she has gone, although I have some idea.

thesoundingline: I read an article in ‘Scientific American Mind’ discussing the theory that the more creative an individual the more open they are to unconventional or wonderful ideas. Do you think this theory has promise?
MC: Yes I agree with that, I think you have to be open to anything, that is first, then creativity follows as it is closely aligned. Creativity can’t be stopped once this occurs, it is like a door that can never be closed again.
 

thesoundingline: The next full moon is May 6^th. Do you notice anything particular on a full moon night?

MC: There is definitely more energy, more female energy.

thesoundingline: How would you describe that?
MC: Female energy is nurturing, loving, kind, passionate and powerful. During this phase of the moon I find I am highly creative.

thesoundingline: I understand the Police roster more Officers on a Full Moon night. Why do you think they do this?
MC: Female energy is incredibly powerful and highly emotional. It can also be incredibly difficult to control particularly for someone who at this time in the moon cycle is feeling out of control anyway. It amplifies this and therefore those that are already not doing so well may experience complete loss of control.

thesoundingline: You have an ability to perceive information hidden from the normal senses. Can you recall your first experience?
MC: Yes I can. It was around 2 years old. I couldn’t verbalise what I was experiencing, but it did feel natural to me.

thesoundingline: Have you ever questioned your sanity?
MC: Never, it is real and natural to me. It has never felt unreal which would mean I would be worried about sanity. The voices that may come into play are always those of others, I could always identify my own inner voice as quite different.

thesoundingline: How does this ability affect your everyday life?
MC: In a completely positive way. I can interpret information and assist those around me. Energetically it is huge. It is difficult to put into words, but I can say it is like living in multiple worlds at the one time with multiple voices. It can be very overwhelming, but when you know how to take this on it can be immensely positive. If I can tap into this and see how it can assist someone, perhaps pass a message on, this can literally change a person’s life in that moment. When you are speaking from that heart space, truth recognises truth. If I pass a message on to someone a positive change can occur in that second- it can be that quick.

thesoundingline: Do you believe we all have the potential to tap into this ability?
MC: No doubt we do. We all possess this skill as a child, and then it can be knocked out of us by our parents, or by the pressures placed on us through social conditioning.

thesoundingline: What would you say to a parent?
MC: I would say stay open.

thesoundingline: Critics believe that psychics and people who make claims they can tap into other worlds or energies are either self-deluded or intentionally tricking those more gullible. Do you understand this point of view?
MC: Yes I do. There are some who practise with a different motivation. I would say that we have the answers in us, if you are seeking an answer that is from another source you may be more open to the type of trickery that is out there. If someone is guiding you to understand yourself, to find the answer within then this is more authentic. As I said truth recognises truth but when you are in an emotional state seeking help it can be very difficult.

thesoundingline: Past lives…how did it come about that you knew you had lived before?

Marilyn has a special connection to the image above

MC: It is really difficult for me to speak about this without telling someone else’s story as mine is interlinked with others. I can say that I know I have lived many times before. It is a different energy that I may feel, sometimes there are visual pictures. I feel them as you would a memory but they are incredibly intense. The best way to relate this is to think back on a memory you have from this life that you can touch, smell, hear, feel in your mind’s eye. Like when as a mother you held your child after birth, or kissed someone for the first time. That moment is locked in your memory and the intensity of it remains despite the years. That is what I feel when recalling an experience from a past life. What I do with it is more important though. It is crucial to take the learning from that experience but not to relive that life.

thesoundingline: How has your ability affected your study and practise of Neuro-linguistic programming?
MC: I have experienced a shift in my NLP practise, I have been able to combine my work as a spiritual healer with NLP and the result has been more transformation at a behavioural and then soul level. If a person can balance the female and male energies then they will live a more fulfilled life by reaching their full potential. It is an empowered state of being where the physical body, mind and emotional self and the soul are all in balance.

thesoundingline: I read a lovely quote from Mahatma Gandhi “A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes.” This seems to sum up NLP. Do you agree?

MC: Yes, it is a beautiful quote and relates well I think.

thesoundingline: Setting goals is a critical part of achieving our personal potential.  What advice would you give someone struggling to tap into a goal they are passionate about?

MC: It is not my way to give advice, as I would be interfering with someone’s free will. I would ask the person a series of questions, and from there they would have the answer themselves. This can be quite a process for some while others may come to this point quite quickly.

thesoundingline: How important is it for you to have a mentor, someone to help you stay on track?
MC: Critical, to ensure that you are forever learning you need to be a student. I can say that Jon Brenton is my mentor. I also have others that are my mentor- Deepak Chopra is one, Ella Fitzgerald has taught me joy. Sade, she is a goddess.

thesoundingline: Have you met anyone who has truly inspired you?
MC: Richard Branson, he made himself out of nothing, he overcame dyslexia. Andre Bocelli is amazing also.

thesoundingline: What skill do you wish you had?
MC: I wish I could fly!

thesoundingline: What will you never give up?
MC: Love.

My thanks to Marilyn for spending two afternoons with me, letting me ask very personal questions and blowing my tiny mind. 

To contact Marilyn Cali and her team regarding professional services or to book tickets for upcoming event "A Gift of Love" on 31st May click here:  Twin Flame Enterprises